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Mrs. Lovett:Seems a downright shame...
Sweeney Todd:Shame?
Mrs. Lovett: Seems an awful waste
Such a nice, plump frame
What’s his name has--
Had--
Has!
Nor it can’t be traced
Bus’ness needs a lift
Debts to be erased...
Think of it as thrift
As a gift!
Get my drift
Seems an awful waste...
I mean, with the price of meat
What it is...
When you get it...
If you get it...
Sweeney Todd:Ah!
Mrs. Lovett:Good, you got it!
Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop! Bus’ness never better using only pussycats and toast! Now our pussy’s good for maybe six or seven at the most! And I’m sure they can’t compare as far as taste!
Sweeney Todd:Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion
Mrs. Lovett: Well, it does seem a waste...
Sweeney Todd:Eminently practical
And yet appropriate as always!
Mrs. Lovett, how I’ve lived without you all these years I’ll never know!
How delectable!
Also undetectable!
Mrs. Lovett:Think about it!
Lots of other gentlemen’ll
Soon be comin’ for a shave
Won’t they? Think of All them Pies!
TODD: For what’s the sound of the world out there?
Mrs. Lovett:What, Mr. Todd?
What, Mr. Todd?
What is that sound?
Sweeney Todd:Those crunching noises pervading the air!
Mrs. Lovett:Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, all around!
Sweeney Todd:It’s man devouring man, my dear!
Sweeney Todd:And[Mrs. Lovett:Then] who are we to deny it in here?
LOVETT: Here we are, now! Hot out of the oven!
TODD: What is that?
LOVETT:
It's priest. Have a little priest.
TODD:
Is it really good?
LOVETT:
Sir, it's too good, at least!
Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh,
So it's pretty fresh.
TODD:
Awful lot of fat.
LOVETT:
Only where it sat.
TODD:
Haven't you got poet, or something like that?
LOVETT:
No, y'see, the trouble with poet is
'Ow do you know it's deceased?
Try the priest!
Lawyer's rather nice.
TODD:
If it's for a price.
LOVETT:
Order something else, though, to follow,
Since no one should swallow it twice!
TODD:
Anything that's lean.
LOVETT:
Well, then, if you're British and loyal,
You might enjoy Royal Marine!
Anyway, it's clean.
Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been!
TODD:
Is that squire,
On the fire?
LOVETT:
Mercy no, sir, look closer,
You'll notice it's grocer!
TODD:
Looks thicker,
More like vicar!
LOVETT:
No, it has to be grocer --
It's green!
TODD:
The history of the world, my love --
LOVETT:
Save a lot of graves,
Do a lot of relatives favors!
TODD:
Is those below serving those up above!
LOVETT:
Ev'rybody shaves,
So there should be plenty of flavors!
TODD:
How gratifying for once to know
BOTH:
That those above will serve those down below!
TODD: What is that?
LOVETT:
It's fop.
Finest in the shop.
And we have some shepherd's pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top!
And I've just begun --
Here's the politician, so oily
It's served with a doily,
Have one!
TODD:
Put it on a bun.
Well, you never know if it's going to run!
LOVETT:
Try the friar,
Fried, it's drier!
TODD:
No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy!
LOVETT:
Then actor,
That's compacter!
TODD:
Yes, and always arrives overdone!
I'll come again when you have JUDGE on the menu!
TODD:
Have charity towards the world, my pet!
LOVETT:
Yes, yes, I know, my love!
TODD:
We'll take the customers that we can get!
LOVETT:
High-born and low, my love!
TODD:
We'll not discriminate great from small!
No, we'll serve anyone,
Meaning anyone,
BOTH:
And to anyone
At all!
Thanks to etnuav for these lyrics